Damn! I should really go out after work and buy some fish oil capsules. My focus is shot.
For instance, I was going to use the google bar as a calculator (I’m figuring timesheets and I do not trust my brain to calculate rate of pay x number of hours without an external backup…) and slipped and fell into google reader instead. Don’t judge…I have ADD. I get distracted easily and …”oh shiny”…if I’m on the net I look like I’m working…it’s “intellectual development”…yeah, that’s the ticket.
ANYway, I popped into twitter…and ran across this by @mikecane:
Mike Cane @mikecane I am deprecating Twitter in my life. And Protecting this acct to prevent new Followers. That is all.
So, I popped over to his main blog to see what was going on…and now I have to post my pondering.
It looks like @mike is having some twitter hassles and is more or less dropping his regular running conversations (to the dismay of his fans, I might add.) At the end he says:
For those who might say, “But now you’re out of The Conversation!” — um, no. I’m holding my own, right here (and here).
That is all.
The hamsters in my brain started trotting along double time (which just made me think of Tom Smith)* and I need to get this down so I can remember I said it…
My current number one goal is to surround myself with positive energy so I can slow down and think about things rather than just collecting information like a pack rat and letting it molder in the tangles of my brain. I wish I could integrate and synthesize all of the things I’m interested in, or maybe cut back not be interested in so many different things (that’s not going to happen…I might miss something). There are a lot of marvels in the world and on the net, a lot of people I really like and want to get to know better, but I have a really shitty brain…it’s a 90 pound weakling of a brain and it can’t pull it’s weight. It sputters and chokes and gets overwhelmed and then I just want to hide and be bitchy.
<brief interlude for a pity party>:
I am having issues in all areas of my life at the moment because of this. I’d rather not talk about them right now, but suffice it to say that I am feeling both stupid and unloved/unappreciated. Whether it is intended to be a rejection or not, I feel pretty rejected.
</end of pity party interlude>
To get back to the point, if I can remember what it was, @mike said (paraphrasing): I’m not out of the conversation, I’m holding my own.
[obligatory comment about closed doors and washing one's hands afterwards. Sorry.]
I still haven’t made up the 16 days I lost in 1972…maybe I should get over it, but being “out of the conversation” just about drives me nuts. I can’t be in all the conversations I want to be in or even passive observe them. I am afraid if I drop anyone who might provide potential conversation I will not only lose them as a resource, I might hurt their feelings…however, I haven’t had the time or the energy to keep up with everything so I am pretty scarce in the various cyber social places I have frequented and I “mark all read” more than I want to. Even clipping things to read later doesn’t help, because later never comes. (There is also the “if I’m gone does anyone miss me” thing…but I don’t have issues with that, I have complete runs of bound volumes and an ongoing subscription.
It’s another place I need to apply decluttering techniques…when I get around to it. If I have the will power to let go.(Yet another post topic that will probably never be written.)
I still don’t know what is going on in @mike’s background that is making him step back from twitter. I think I get it, but I’m not sure.
*
Comments on: "Are you pondering what I’m pondering…?" (5)
My reasons for leaving are my own and are private.
>>>I am afraid if I drop anyone who might provide potential conversation I will not only lose them as a resource, I might hurt their feelings
As for that, nah. Most people are grown ups and understand.
You live in a different world than I do, @mike…however, always remember and don’t ever forget…fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke.
Oh, that’s a rough place to be. Is there anything I can do?
Thanks, Moriah…It’s just my holiday depression hitting late this year. I was hoping 2013 was going to be better, but I don’t think it is. Started out with taking one of the spice to the ER with heart issues on New Year’s Eve and has gone down hill from there. She’s okay, but I am in a stress induced fibroflare which is painful and brainfogging all over the place and I may lose a great social outlet due to the assininity of a bunch of people with delusions of grandeur. And…classes start in 1 week. Maybe I just need to play a little…Thanks for asking.
It’s the 9th now. How is the spice?
Re the asinine people: Sometimes you think it’ll be bad to lose the social aspect, but then they’re gone and you realize they were stressing you out more than you thought and you’re wondering why you didn’t ditch them faster.
Take some extra Vitamin D or go sit in a sunlamp or something.